Accompanying the Dying by Deanna Cochran

Author:Deanna Cochran
Language: eng
Format: epub
Tags: facing death, death dying, death doula, dying well, hospice care, doula business, doula training, aging issues
Publisher: Deanna Cochran

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Chapter 22

Death

Ever has it been that love knows not its own depth until the hour of separation.

Kahlil Gibran

The person has died. The physical transition of the body has happened. The person has taken his or her last breath; the pre-death vigil is over. Whether this is mostly a relief or a harder heartbreak depends on the person experiencing the death. Usually there is a tremendous release of emotion because the anticipated event has happened. Even though loved ones may feel that they are ready for the final moment, in my experience both personally and professionally, they are sometimes not fully ready. Dealing with the loss of their loved one is the beginning of a new road. Just like your walk with the family to this point, your loving support at this time will unfold as it needs to.

Some people will be in shock, even though they know it is happening. Some people will be very accepting as it is happening and just tremendously sad. Some will be very relieved that it is over, and this is the predominant feeling. Others will be devastated and very distraught in their grief. Of course, be prepared for anything, and let your intuition guide you.

Now there is the rest of the vigil. Many people want to stay longer with the body of their loved one than the typical two to four hours normally encouraged. Think about this and talk with your families about this before it happens. Would your family like some time with the body of their loved one? In the home-funeral industry, keeping the body three days or more is common.

Now, during this post-death vigil, we have time to integrate the transition from life to death and to move into the state of mourning. There is time to grieve with others and to transition into the new reality together.

The practicalities of a post-death vigil are significant and must be planned. For instance, if the family plans to keep the body for more than several hours, it must be kept on dry ice. The immediate family may be exhausted, need to be alone, and/or not want others present. Talk to your family and plan for what they want.

After someone has died, I encourage family members to stay with their loved one as long as they wish. I encourage them to wait before they call hospice and to have as much private time as they can now because once hospice is called, action begins to remove the body. They will never have this private time with their loved one again.

Often after the death, a time comes when people start wondering about what to do next. Remember to have the death plan and funeral plan completed beforehand so you can guide them during this time with activities they have already specified.

Offer to speak of peace and love and gratitude for the departed and of consolation for the family; invite them to participate. Ask if they would like to bathe the body and dress their loved one in a piece of favorite clothing.

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